if i wrote you a love letter, would you write back?

gutter_flower @ 2003-08-25T16:08:00

2003-08-25T21:15:06Z

Wow. If more could happen to me in the span of two weeks, I think I'd go insane. So, Friday night I ran into Galen (completely accidental) at Hollister.. I was going in to buy jeans, and he was completely trashed. He had Zaba with him, unfortunately, but thats no big deal. We ended up hanging out, and he had said earlier that day that we were still together.. but that we had broken up for a few days. So anyway, he apologized to me and said that he had missed me so much and that he had kept my perfume bottle and smelled it when he missed me. So that night, everything went back to complete and total bliss. I couldn't be happier, either.

There is more to this story, but it's friends only because it's very personal. So if you want to see it (because the suspense is killing you!) then kindly ask to be added to my friends, and I shall do so. I'm not a bitch :o

gutter_flower @ 2003-08-20T16:48:00

2003-08-20T21:59:07Z

I've been searching through icon communities and I haven't seen anything real impressive. Has icon creativity died? I'm going to make a new one, probably a new layout soon too. My inspiration is Sugarcults "Pretty Girl" because we listen to it at work ALL the time and it describes how things are with Galen and I. Or lack there of.

Speaking of that, here's the run down. He wanted time and space apart, and I tried to rush it because I was scared. He ended up breaking up with me last Friday night, and then Saturday he told me he just wanted to take time apart.. not break up. He gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and told me he loved me. So this week we've taken our time apart, and we usually end up talking during 7th period since we both have senior study hall and we can leave. I feel relatively good about the whole thing because it takes so much pressure off the both of us if we don't have a title.. we're not broken up, but we're not dating either. I still love him, a lot, but if we do break up.. for real this time.. i don't know how i'll handle it. It hurt A LOT when he told me it was over.. and i'm just glad we've got another chance.

So school is interesting. I LOVE my english teacher.. he's this super smart guy, and he's got this dark edge to him that I just love. He calls on me to answer all the questions. It's fun. I love thinking outside of the box.

My mom is making me go see a counselor because i threatened to kill myself when Galen 'broke up' with me. I want to, because I think I need to be on some kind of medication.. like zoloft or something. I'm already taking St. Johns Wort three times a day and i can feel a difference.

I've got fiji water(http://www.fijiwater.com) <3

Pretty girl is suffering, while he confesses everything
Pretty soon she'll figure out what his intentions were about
That's what you get for falling again
You can never get 'em out of your head

It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love

She's beautiful as usual with bruises on her ego and
Her killer instinct tells her to beware of evil men
And that's what you get for falling again
You can never get 'em out of your head
And that's what you get for falling again
You can never get 'em out of your head

It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love

It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
Love

Pretty girl, pretty girl

Pretty girl is suffering, while he confesses everything
Pretty soon she'll figure out
You can never get 'em out of your head

It's the way
That he makes you cry
It's the way
That he in your mind
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love

It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
Love

gutter_flower @ 2003-08-16T23:44:00

2003-08-17T04:44:56Z

Okay, news flash.

Galen and I are not broken up. We're just taking time apart. (thank god.)

More tomorrw. Too tired now.

gutter_flower @ 2003-08-16T12:39:00

2003-08-16T17:43:17Z

slkdjflskdjf. what the hell is going on here!?

Galen called me last night at about 12:30 AM and was all sad.. and he said "this isn't working anymore. it doesn't feel right." and I thought that someone had stabbed me. We've been having problems recently because he says i've been too depressed, in which case i thought I was getting better, so we decided to take some time and space apart. Well, being that i'm the worlds largest idiot, i still clung to him because i was afraid. So then he tried to break up with me last night and I freaked out and demanded that he gives us another chance. I told him that we would just consider this a break for a few weeks, and then we would try again. He said he still loved me, more than a friend, and I got pissed and said he was putting me through hell. Then I screamed "I love you, damnit!" and hung up the phone. So now what? I don't know what to do. I'm so drugged up on pills my mom gave me that I can't cry anymore.. I've been crying for almost three days now. So I'm confused.. Everything used to be so fucking wonderful. And now? I don't know. But I want this to work. He's making a mistake, and I know that I can make him come crawling back to me. And he will, damnit.

I hate my life, I'm going to go die, k thx.

gutter_flower @ 2003-08-09T12:52:00

2003-08-09T17:53:11Z

sldkjflskdjflskdf

I have a job at ( http://www.clubcali.com ) Hollister!!!!

Galen said he was proud of me :O!

gutter_flower @ 2003-08-04T22:24:00

2003-08-05T03:25:18Z

And thus I have moved.

If you're wondering, things between Galen and I are peachy. I'm quite happy.

I've figured out what I'm going to do for his birthday. Mwhahahaha <3

gutter_flower @ 2003-08-01T21:08:00

2003-08-02T02:09:25Z

UGH. i hate moving already.

Galen is being such a dick. I'm having a hard day and he's ignoring me. Son of a bitch.

i hate men, and my boyfriend, k thx.

2003-07-31T03:16:10Z

I swear to god, I hate Galen some times. Like today. So he came in town early, about 2, for an eye appointment. He met me and Ashley at Books a Million about 3:15, and after we picked up a book he needed, we walked over to Panera break for lunch with C.J. So we had a nice little lunch, and it ended up being about 5 when we finished. Galen and I were walking back to our cars, Ashley and CJ had left, and Galen was supposed to go with me to get school supplies. So its then, after everyone has left, that he decides he's just gonna go home. WELL. Thats just fucking great. We walked over to my car, because i'm pissed off by then. He was just going to fucking ditch me! Then he starts giving me these bull shit excuses about "i'll spend all of tomorrow night with you." which I doubt would have happened anyway because he would be too busy running around with Aaron and Zaba. AND then he feeds me another load of bull shit about the fact that he 'just remembered' he had to be home before dark so he could cut the grass. So I was really pissed off by then, because he was going to just blow off the plans I had made. Then, to make it worse, he just walked away from me and towards his car. I followed after him and tried to keep him from leaving, but he kept trying to slam his door shut. So then he gives me a guilt trip about "i'll get grounded blahblahblah" and I was just like "Fine." So, incredibly pissed off, I walked back to my car and he just fucking left. Not a fucking word to me. I was so angry I was crying and shaking while I drove home. I called Ashley, and apparently he had called her right after he left because he knew I was pissed off. Well, I told her to tell him that if he called me I would break up with him and that I hated him so much that I could scream. She told him and now he's 'afraid to call me.' She told him later on that he should call me, and he'd have to really make it up to me.

But has he called me? FUCKING NO. it just shows me how much he does care about me.. absolutely none. I hate him. And I'm not going to answer his fucking phone calls, and I'm going to ignore him at the book sale tomorrow. I'm sick of being treated like shit and i'm really fucking sick of crying over him. He breaks my heart every fucking day, and i've had it. i don't know what to do.. but i think i'll just ignore him for a few days and see how that goes..

I just want to die right now. If he had gotten so pissed at me, i would have driven to his fucking house and apologized a million times. But he doesn't care that much about me, so fuck him.

Why do I have to fall in love with him? Why do I have to love him so much that this hurts so bad?

gutter_flower @ 2003-07-27T23:16:00

2003-07-28T04:16:39Z

Mrs. Elizabeth Turner

Which Elizabeth are you? A Pirates of the Caribbean quiz!
brought to you by Quizilla

I am Elizabeth Swann!

Which Pirates of the Caribbean character are you? (not obvious)
brought to you by Quizilla

gutter_flower @ 2003-07-27T00:29:00

2003-07-27T05:31:30Z

So. I'm stressin'.. Galen and I talked about what schools we want to go to for college and he wants to go to all this really smart schools that I can't get in.. I'm so frustrated!

I'm also moving next weekend, since the divorce is finally over with. Hurrah for that!

BLAH. I'm sick of drama. I want a boring life, god damnit!

gutter_flower @ 2003-07-22T11:44:00

2003-07-22T16:47:31Z

boredom means... new layout! <3 I'll probably have it done in a few hours. Hurrah.

And of course, it'll be POTC goodness.

gutter_flower @ 2003-07-21T22:04:00

2003-07-22T06:02:26Z

Rules -
1. Please post which number(s) you are taking.
2. Put "gutter gems" in your interests and/or give me credit in your userinfo.
3. Enjoy!

1.::. 2.::. 3.:

4.::. 5.::. 6.::. 7.::.

gutter_flower @ 2003-07-20T01:02:00

2003-07-20T06:09:45Z

I am suddenly freaking out. Just.. freaking out.

I'm a senior in high school now.. and that means my futures just not that far away. How the hell can I cope with that?

SLKDJfLSKDJFLSKJDF. CHRIST IM FREAKING OUT. i'm scared of my future. i'm afraid i'll be a huge fucking failure. i'm scared i might end up without Galen...

He told me the other night that I'm his soul mate.. how sweet is that?

gutter_flower @ 2003-07-09T12:31:00

2003-07-09T18:41:02Z

My birthday was yesterday.. and what a grand time it was! <3

Galen woke me up that morning with breakfast in bed.. that was his big plan. It was so sweet! He cooked me eggs, bacon, french toast, and strawberries and whipped cream. He even had my favorite.. hot tea! It was so sweet. He also gave me these beautiful peach colored roses and a card. The card was so romantic it made me cry.

Presents; the new Ashanti CD, the new Beyonce CD, How to lose a guy in 10 days DVD, Sex and the City; The Fourth Season DVD, a joe muggs coffee card, a books a million card, and money.. as well as brand new speakers for my car! <3<3<3

After sitting at Best Buy for hours while they put my speakers in, we went to Shogun for dinner. The japanese guys hit on me.. it was funny.

Galen felt bad because hadn't gotten me a present yet because of the fact that his car got taken away after he got a speeding ticket. He wants me to pick something out, but I don't think he understands that it's only special if it comes from him.

But! It turns out that we're going to go to the beach together!! <3<3<3<3 Friday thru sunday. How awesome is that? I can't wait. <3

Yesterday rocked.. and I can't wait till the weekend.

gutter_flower @ 2003-07-06T16:46:00

2003-07-06T21:55:40Z

I swear to god. I don't know why, but my life is just destined to revolve around disappointments.

I wish I had never fallen in love. I hate that one thing can just destroy my day, or my week. I hate that when he's not around I'm utterly lonely. I hate that I love him.

And I hate my birthday. Now it's become this big horrible day.. Last year I had to deal with the divorce, now I'm not going to be able to see my own boyfriend because his stupid ass got a ticket and his parents are mad at him. Ugh.

Why does life suck? Or maybe I should just ask why does MY life suck?

gutter_flower @ 2003-07-01T20:05:00

2003-07-02T01:06:33Z

I hate The Williams Sisters. Damn them. They've ruined tennis.

gutter_flower @ 2003-07-01T18:38:00

2003-07-01T23:52:55Z

My birthday is in seven days!

Ugh. I'm so lonely today.. my head hurts bad.

Boomspeed.com sucks BALLS.

gutter_flower @ 2003-06-29T19:24:00

2003-06-30T00:37:02Z

I, for one, think everyone (or some people) are being retarded bastards. I understand that some hardcore fans are upset over Sirius's death, but obviously it was *supposed* to happen. I, atleast, trust J.K. that much. I've heared people whinning about the book and how it was 'awful' (I disagree, I think it was wonderful) and how some people want to throw the book away or return it. I highly doubt they'll actually do it.
I think the new characters are wonderful. Umbridge was repulsive.. She reminded me of a short, fat, and evil Martha Stewart. I love Fred and George <3 Sooo funny.

Eh. I quit. I forgot where I was going with this.. I'm just sick of the bitching from people who are supposed to be fans.

gutter_flower @ 2003-06-20T21:05:00

2003-06-21T02:18:43Z

Squee!! I'm SO excited about Harry Potter coming out tomorrow. I fully plan on mugging any damn kids who get in my way when I go to buy the book. I want to go buy tons of merchandise too..

Galen didn't call me today, which makes me angry because we were supposed to go out and I was gonna go blow some hard cash on Harry Potter stuff at Books a Million, but it's too late now. Gah. Boys are stupid.

But you know what, i'm really not that angry. We sat in the Wal Mart parking lot for awhile and just talked.. it was wonderful. He's got something big planned for my birthday but he won't tell me. All he's told me is that I'm getting a dozen roses and that he's already picked out my present (it took him 20 minutes) but he hasn't bought it yet.

Sixteen days 'till my birthday!

gutter_flower @ 2003-06-18T20:29:00

2003-06-19T01:59:17Z

BASIC
[ Screen name? ] neon shell 04
[ Astrological sign? ] cancer.. July 8th. Still valuable shopping time, might I add!
[ Chinese zodiac sign? ] 'm pretty sure it's the tiger..
[ Location? ] Montgomery, AL
[ Eye color? ] brown
[ Height? ] 5'8"
[ Siblings? ] one brother
[ Pets? ] one dog (Luke), one bird (Sigmund Freud), one cat (Curly)
[ Nationality? ] french-english
[ Kids of your own? ] eventually, but not right now

FAVORITES
[ Color? ] Blue
[ Number? ] 9 or 14
[ Drinks? ] water, margaritas, pina coladas, and milo's tea
[ Soda? ] Cherry coke <3<3<3<3
[ Book? ] The Scarlet Pimpernel by Baroness Orczy, Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling
[ Band? ] Counting Crows, Third Eye Blind, Everclear, John Mayer, Jason Mraz, Incubus, The Eagles, Dave Matthews Band
[ Song? ] 21 Questions - 50 Cent, Crazy In Love - Beyonce, I Wish You Were Here - Incubus, Butterfly In Reverse - Counting Crows
[ Magazine? ] Rolling Stone, Cosmopolitan
[ Fast food? ] Sonic (cherry limeaides OWN. )
[ Restaurant ] Copelands
[ Candy? ] Snickers Crunchers
[ Color to wear? ] Blue or red
[ Clothes? ] White skirt
[ Shoes? ] brown heels
[ Hairstyle? ] Wavy down
[ Actress? ] Nicole Kidman
[ Actor? ] Ewan Mcgregor, Orlando Bloom, Hugh Jackman
[ Character? ] Satine from Moulin Rouge, Marguerite from The Scarlet Pimpernel
[ Tv shows? ] Will & Grace, ER, South Park, The Daily Show
[ Childhood tv show? ] Salute Your Shorts
[ Sleeping position? ] On my side
[ Animal? ] Bunny rabbits
[ Lyric ? ] I love you like a fat kid loves cake.
[ Rooms in your house? ] my room.
[ Favorite object in your room? ] My bed!

DO YOU...
[ Color your hair? ] Never! Very bad for your hair.
[ Have tattoos? ] No thanks.
[ Piercings? ] I fear needles!
[ Cheat on tests/homework? ] Haha, of course.
[ Drink/Smoke? ] Yes and no.
[ Like roller coasters? ] Noooo!
[ Want more piercings? ] No thanks.
[ Like cleaning? ] Only if i'm in a bad mood.
[ Write in cursive or print? ] Print
[ Swear a lot? ] Yes. Like a fuckin' sailor!
[ Diet ? ] Yes.

HAVE YOU EVER...
[ Kicked someone in the nuts? ] Yes
[Stolen anything? ] Yes. Mwhaha.
[ Smoked? ] Technically.. yes.
[ Crack? ] No, haha.
[ Drink? ] Yes.
[ Cheated on someone? ] No! I'm faithful.
[ Cried over a boy? ] God yes.
[ Lied to someone? ] Who hasn't? You're lying if you say no.
[ Been in love? ] In love right now... <3
[ Fallen for your best friend? ] Yes. That just never works.
[ Made out with JUST a friend? ] No.
[ Been rejected? ] Everyones been rejected.
[ Been in lust? ] I've lusted after many a male.
[ Used someone? ] Uhm.. no.. never..
[ Been used? ] Yes.
[ Been cheated on? ] No, thankfully.
[ Been kissed? ] Yes! <3<3<3
[ Experimented with homosexuality? ] Uhm.. kind of?

LAST PERSON WHO..
[ Slept in your bed? ] Moi.
[ Saw you cry? ] Galen.
[ Made you cry? ] Galen.
[ You shared a drink with? ] Galen, Alli, and Zaba
[ You went to the movies with? ] Galen
[ Yelled at you? ] Uhm.. Mom.
[ Sent you an email? ] Dunno. Never check email.

HAVE YOU EVER..
[ Said "I love you" and meant it? ] Yes
[ Been to New York? ] Not yet.
[ Been to Florida? ] Yes, just last week
[ California? ] No
[ Hawaii? ] No
[ Mexico? ] No
[ China? ] No
[ Canada? ] Yes!
[ Danced naked? ] Yes.
[ Red or blue? ] Blue AND red
[ Math or English? ] english
[ Radio or CD?] CD
[ What was the last food you ate? ] Gold fish
[ Are you bored? ] God yes.
[ Last movie you saw? ] Finding Nemo!
[ Last noise you heard? ] Kyle speaking on South Park

YOUR HEALTH
[ Have you been hospitalized? ] no
[ Have you had a broken bone? ] nope
[ Do you have any serious physical health problems? ] No
[ Are you on medication? ] Yes, ritalin.
[ Do you have any mental health issues?] Uh.. no?
[ Do you see a psychologist or take anti-depressants, or seek professional help? ] yes.
[ Rap? ] Sure.
[ Pop? ] Why not.
[ DDR? ] Say wha?
[ Skateboards? ] Ew.
[ The internet? ] Love it.
[ School? ] Can bite me.

ARE YOU...
[ Happy? ] In general, yes.
[ Sad? ] Yes..
[ Bored? ] Constantly.
[ Confused? ] Yes. A lot.
[ Tired? ] Sort of.
[ Mad? ] A little.
[ Pissed? ] Not at the moment.
[ Best Friend? ] Ashley
[ Biggest Nerd? ] Eytan. Bleh.
[ Biggest Flirt? ] Me, or Galen, or Alli.
[ Idiot? ] Galen
[ Craziest? ] Me
[ Stupidest? ] Me
[ Biggest Dork? ] Me
[ Biggest Dumbass? ] Galen

THE LAST FEW QUESTiONS
[ Last time you went out of the state? ] Last week, Orlando FL
[ Last time you were outside? ] A few minutes ago
[ You had a snowball fight? ] Years ago.
[ Last time you were listening to music? ] Now, stupid.
[ Last time you were on the internet? ] Obviously now.
[ Last time you ate? ] Five minutes ago, a goldfish cracker!
[ Last time you drank? ] Alcohol? Uhm.. Two nights ago.
[ Last time you jump infront of a moving car? ] Oh, every day. Note the sarcasm.
[ Last time you watch tv? ] Now. South park, yay!
[ Last public place you were? ] Los Amigos mexican place
[ Last things you bought? ] I don't remember.
[ Last person you hugged? ] Galen
[ Last person that told you they love you? ] Galen
[ Last person who told you love them? ] Galen
[ Last person you IM`d? ] Uh.. Sheree.
[ Called? ] Galen
[ Lucky number? ] 9 or 14
[ Number of pillows you sleep w.? ] 4.. but I sleep *on* two.
[ Object you can not live w.out? ] Not that he's an object.. but Galen.
[ Things you like in a girl/guy? ] Personality, looks, ass, smile, eyes..
[ Worst feeling in the world? ] Insecurity
[ What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning? ] I want Galen.
[ Future daughter's name? ] Alyson or Grace or Desmond
[ Future son's name? ] I don't know.. depends on the fathers name.

gutter_flower @ 2003-06-17T11:14:00

2003-06-17T16:14:44Z

Margarita's are fun...

gutter_flower @ 2003-06-10T00:15:00

2003-06-10T05:15:25Z

Leaving, on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again..

(Gone on Vacation till after June 14th!)

gutter_flower @ 2003-06-03T09:42:00

2003-06-03T14:43:21Z

I got superbly bored yesterday and revamped my userinfo with a whole ass load of sprites. Brownie points to anyone who can name even half of them!

<3

gutter_flower @ 2003-06-02T23:14:00

2003-06-03T04:23:28Z

The other day, Galen and I were cuddling and just kind of looking up at the stars and we just started talking.. He said that he loved me so much and that he would do anything to make me happy. He would trade in his car to get me a Mercedes M Class like I want if that would make me happy and one day he would buy me a big house and everything I wanted. And we decided that we would buy a big lake house on Lake Tahoe on a deserted island.. And he just kept talking about how all he wanted was for me to be happy and he hoped we never broke up..

Blah. I miss him so much and it's only been since Saturday. He couldn't make it to his baseball game because his back (he has a ruptured disk) really hurt. But his first day of work went good and his hours are 7:30 to 2, and he plans on coming in tomorrow early for Ashleys birthday and then his baseball game. I just want to kiss him and have him hold me.. I'm all cuddled up in one of his shirts and it smells just like him. It's wonderful.

gutter_flower @ 2003-06-02T23:11:00

2003-06-03T04:11:36Z